The Void

There’s a space where something is missing.

I’ve bought it all.

And then sold it all.

Nothing seems to fit.

-

This cycle is one of my many gifts.

Restless

I lay in bed.

Emotions of fear and anxiety dance wildly in the moonlight.

-

An hour passes.

-

I watch as sounds thunder loudly

and the chaos of the dance

unveils patterns and themes that are not mine,

but were gifts.

-

A birthright.

A puzzle.

Something to unpack.

So that I too can walk lightly with the earth and the air.

-

An hour passes.

Scarcity

I’ve been both busy and yet not. At least not in that way.

Bobbing at the surface of life.

—

The room created in my body, with the removal of impossible expectations,

Expectations, carried like a sandbag my entire life, lay at my feet, still unmet.

I can breathe.

—

I didn’t expect to be seeing me clearly, as if for the first time.

I love and miss you.

—

My soul rattles with thoughts that I may lose you again.

When responsibilities outweigh opportunities to know you.

—

I cry. I long to stay with you.

The Visitor

You visited me.

I felt you.

I did not know you.

You startled me.

Much to Tell

We went adventuring.

I had so much I wanted to tell you.

My emotions and awareness rose like the waves, tides and sea.

What remains is the slightly shifted terrain of me.

And Today

And today, I’m scared.

…

And just sitting with that.

…

Occasionally being reminded to breathe as I gasp for air.

…

It’s okay, I tell myself.

You are having a human experience. And you are safe.

…

Thankful my body is in tune, aware and functioning as designed.

Thankful to have the full human experience and have access to the full spectrum of emotions.

<gasp>

<gasp>

This Week

Being laid off this week.

While uncomfortable with the unknown.

The sun has never shined brighter.

And I can breathe again.

This too will ebb and flow.

After all, this is life.

9 years, 8 days

I’ve worked here for more than 9 years.

I have less than 8 days left.

So much to say and only my body speaks.

<big breaths>

Mom is trying to be brave, just like you.

-Mom

Walk with Me

I want you with me.

Walk with me into the dark.

And into the light.

Transplant

I’m not experienced, seasoned or quite frankly sturdy in this moment of my life.

I’m not here to proselytize or advocate for changes in your life.

I’m sharing my experience today, no more, no less.

I’m excited and scared. I’m in the process of transplanting myself into my own, new way of living and presenting in the world.

—

Transplant shock likely describes my most current state. You know … when your plant has outgrown one pot and now needs to be moved to another or began inside as a seedling and now needs to make the journey outdoors. Transplant shock while necessary for survival and growth, is the stress plants experience when moved to a new environment.

How to treat transplant shock.

• Water

• Protect

• Regulate

• Reduce further stress

Need to Find

There’s something there.

I need to find it.

- inner voice

Not Alone

I am not alone.

Modern living has left me longing.

Connection, community, conversations…

I want to call you. I want to covet your friendship. I want to know your struggles and carry them with you. I want to stand next to you and with you.

I miss you. Your neighbor.

The Dark

I love the dark.

I appreciate the dark in its effort to balance the light. To remove all visual stimulation from my overscheduled and overloaded day. The light, masculine in nature, is seen as energizing. The dark, feminine in nature, is restorative.

Restoration I seek.

When it’s dark and quiet and my body is at rest. Sacred time and sacred space.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.